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| Story | Cast | Characters | Quotes | Trivia | Script | |
Chris Tso
To call Tso lazy would be an insult to lazy people everywhere. In his twenty-something years on earth he has managed to be fired, laid off and quit just about every paying position he has ever held.
Tso started his way of living in junior high, where he described his days as "a mad rush from convenience store to convenience store, looking for rocks to throw, windows to break, bikes to steal, cigarettes to smoke. About the only thing we didn't do was graffiti, which is why I went into the movies."
Tso went to NIU with nothing but thoughts of further mayhem, managing to get thrown out of his residence hall and moving a scant three floors over. Here he met Craig Long, among Chris Reed, Ed Reed, and Dale Carlson. "We really didn't do much but sit around, bitch about there being nothing to do, and debate movies," Tso recalls. "We started saying 'I could do it better,' but it took about six years for us to finally put our money where our mouths were." This first endeavor, entitled A Fatal Game of Cards, a tale of five porn stars playing reverse strip poker in a five-minute film NIU's Film Quarterly described as "a piece of over-indulgent crap," did little to inspire Tso to film heights, but Long talked him into working on the Thursdays at Dooley's project after a long argument.
"Basically, Craig wanted to hire all these NIU actors and pay them," Tso said, grimacing. "Then for a while he was talking about using trained chimpanzees. I suggested we do it ourselves, and we shot a few takes. By then we realized we were lousy, but the chimps had already booked to do Dude, Where's My Car? so we were stuck with ourselves."
To train for the role, Tso drank heavily for three months, beefing up all of his fat into muscle so as to appear big, brutal and foreboding. "I managed the first part," he said proudly, patting his midsection. "I get paid like the Brits--in pounds."
Trivia
Was once voted "Most Likely to Succeed" by a small sub-committee of the PTA at his junior high school. Six hours later, after sobering up, the council revoked their decision.
Owns a movie and CD collection approaching the tens of thousands, most of which he doesn't even like.
Came up with the name for Tso Long Productions from a card game in which he and Long teamed up.
"I only watch TV when I don't feel like doing anything. Which is all the time."
Copyright 2001 Tso Long Productions ©