Jane Austen's Mafia (1998)

Not even close

The one thing I will say in favor of this movie is that it doesn't try to take itself too seriously, or view itself as too funny. Jay Mohr and Christina Applegate star in this slew of sophmoric jokes and weak movie references attempting to blend The Godfather, Casino and various and sundry scraps of other mainstream crime movies into a result that is just begging to be forgotten. Mohr plays Tony Cortino, looking to bring his trophy wife home to his crime family, only to get embroiled in a crime family war led by his bumbling father Vincenzo (Lloyd Bridges, who was handed this stinker as his last contribution to motion picture history). Just mix Godfather and Casino together, along with an extended flashback into Bridges' past, and you've got the basic story.

There's enough of the juvenile in me to enjoy parts of this movie. The trouble is, most of them are touted in the trailer, which, I can only assume, was a good call on the part of the producers. The old "Say hello to my little friend" schtick, Bridges getting his head caught in the venetian blinds (I can't believe it took them to 1998 to come up with that gag) and the girl diving into an empty swimming pool were all highlights for me, but except for a few Bridges moments, that's about it:

Vincenzo: I'm in the hospital?
Diane: In a coma. We've been here every day.
Vincenzo: That's funny--so have I.
Sooner or later, self-proclaimed parody writers will start realizing they're not the Zucker brothers, and we might actually have a movie that works as an effective parody. Until then, steer clear of this one and go rent Airplane instead.

-Long

 

Copyright 2002 Tso Long Productions ©