Jurassic Park 3

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Jurassic Park 3

Jurassic Park 3: It’s time to call a halt to evolution

If this movie had come out before the previous two, the whole concept probably would have bombed. One of the greatest things about the original Jurassic Park was that the ethnic and ecological ramifications of bringing an extinct species back to life were not unexplored, and indeed went hand-in-hand with the action and adrenaline of avoiding the jaws of a T-Rex or raptor.

Now, however, director Joe Johnston has taken the proven-to-work formulas of I and II and slammed it all together in a one-hour-forty-five-minute slide show called Jurassic Park III that is short on adventure and long on sap and melodrama.

Sam Neil returns as Dr. Grant, apparently estranged from Ellie (Laura Dern) and still examining the fossilized remains of raptors as opposed to interacting with their reconstructions. His new theory, proven on the island of course, is that raptors were capable of communication through a series of sounds in their roars and that, if they hadn’t been extinct, they would have been the dominant species on the planet and not primates. Imagine that: raptors evolving into walking, talking moviemakers speculating on what would have happened if humans hadn’t become extinct. The immensity of such an issue is…ridiculous. It’s an obvious plot device with no scientific credulity (unlike the idea of cloning dinosaurs in the first place) and leaves little room for us to doubt what happens next: not only will the raptors eat their prey, but they’ll talk about how good it is after they eat it.

Grant is approached by entrepreneur Paul Kirby (William H. Macy) and his wife Amanda (Tea Leoni). True to form, Grant gets an offer to fly over the island in return for a grant towards his research. True to form, the plane crashes, and the entire crew is stuck on an island infested with dinosaurs of all stripes, although, also true to form, the ones we see the most are the veloceraptors. The tyrannosaurus only makes a cameo appearance, and is dwarfed this time by a new breed resembling an alligator with a fin out of its back (the name of which was difficult to catch, probably because it was made up). This pathetic attempt at breathing life into our interest in dinosaurs seeks only to find a bigger, better draw to the box office, and while the newcoming dinosaur may be bigger, it looks more like a Conan the Barbarian action figure than a genuine dinosaur.

There’s too much attention paid to a side story involving the Kirbys’ marriage and their estranged son; since the film is so short, we see enough hokey family scenes to make us want to retch, while the dinosaur scenes are pitifully short. Remember those long, drawn-out scenes where the T-Rex noses a jeep full of screaming children and it was enough to have him roar at you in plain view to get you to jump in your seat? Forget it. Johnston either believed we’d seen enough of scenes like that or had too much trouble keeping his models from sogging up in the artificial rain (a big problem for Spielberg in the original). Certain dinosaur scenes (though not all of them) are obvious CGI images, which is unfortunate—it robs us of any chance to experience the truly exhilarating feeling of seeing and hearing bona fide dinosaurs. There are a few noteworthy chase scenes though—mostly they involve raptors, but there is a truly incredible one-on-one between the T-Rex and the new dinosaur breed, and the pterodactyl scenes are truly enjoyable. Still, some shots of these dinosaurs (especially some of the opening ones) look too much like latex to keep us from investigating later shots for authenticity.

I can’t help but be reminded of the Batman movie series and what happened when Tim Burton discarded the director’s reins and Joel Schumacher picked them up. This has got to be the last of the series unless they start a TV show or something. The magic and adventure that Spielberg so skillfully wielded in the first movie has been done to death by now—no matter how much you jack up the sound, hearing a dinosaur roar at us just isn’t as scary as it used to be. Unless they start thinking up ideas for a Platypus Studios film, let’s let the dinosaurs sink back into the tar pits and move on to something else before we get to, God forbid, actual speaking roles for these creatures.

-Long